The Narcissist and His Family
Many people are members of a few families inside our lifetime: the the one that our company is born to and the one(s) that we create. Most of us transfer affects, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – an entire emotional baggage – from the former to these. The narcissist is no exception. Narcissistic Mothers
The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity: humans are either Options for Narcissistic Supply (and, then, idealised and over-valued) or do not carry out this function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs acceptance, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions.
He would not require – nor does he seek – his parents’ or his siblings’ love, or to be popular among his children. He casts them as the audience in the theatre of his inflated grandiosity. He desires make an impression them, shock them, threaten them, infuse them with shock, inspire them, attract their attention, subjugate them, or manipulate them.
He imitates the features of and simulates an complete variety of thoughts and implements every means to achieve these effects. He is placed (narcissists are pathological liars – their very personal is an incorrect one). He acts the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. This individual stuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, physical capabilities and achievements, or actions patterns appreciated by the members of the family. When confronted by (younger) siblings or together with his own children, the narcissist is likely to go through three phases:
At first, he perceives his kids or siblings as a threat to his Narcissistic Supply, including the attention of his spouse, or mom, as the case may be. They intrude in the turf and get into the Pathological Narcissistic Space. The narcissist does his best to belittle them, hurt (even physically) and humiliate them and then, when these reactions demonstrate ineffective or a bad idea, this individual retreats into an fictional world of omnipotence. A period of time of emotional absence and detachment ensues.
His violence having failed to generate Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist proceeds to indulge him self in daydreaming, delusions of grandeur, planning of future coups, nostalgia and harm (the Lost Paradise Syndrome). The narcissist reacts this way to the delivery of his children or to the introduction of new foci of attention to the family cellular (even to a new pet! ).
Whoever the narcissist perceives to be in competition for hard to find Narcissistic Supply is relegated to the role of the enemy. Where the uninhibited expression of the aggression and hostility turned on at this time predicament is bogus or impossible – the narcissist prefers to stay away. Rather than harm his offspring or brothers and sisters, he sometimes immediately disconnects, detaches himself emotionally, becomes cold and uninterested, or directs transformed anger at his mate or at his parents (the more “legitimate” targets).
Other narcissists see the ability in the “mishap”. They seek to manipulate their parents (or their mate) by “taking over” the newcomer. Many of these narcissists monopolise their brothers and sisters or their newborn children. In this way, indirectly, they gain from the attention aimed at the infants. The sibling or offspring become vicarious sources of Narcissistic Supply and proxies for the narcissist.
An example: by being closely determined with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother (“What an exceptional father/brother he is”). This individual also assumes part of or all the credit for baby’s/sibling’s achievements. This kind of is a procedure of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in almost all of his relationships.